To the Owner of the White Prius Stopped Twenty Feet Behind the Light

I know that your situational awareness only extends so far. I know you're in the left turn lane, and that other left-turners have a tendency to cut the corner, and that your used Prius--super-awesome as it is--has plexiglass bumpers and maybe you've had a bad experience or something, but there's a sensor. A sensor up by the line. The line between 15 and 17 feet in front of your car. And if you don't pull up you won't register the sensor. If you don't pull up, the sensor will just sit there not sensing. That's why we didn't get a green arrow on the last cycle. That's why we're still not getting one now. That's why I'm somewhere around 3 centimeters behind your bumper. That's why my window is down and I'm waving my hand with increasing vigor. Because if you do not ease forward as far as your overwhelming timidity will allow WE WILL NEVER FUCKING GET A GREEN ARROW. And I have things to do before Judgement Day and trumpet's sound. Learn to drive.

Technology

Anyone who ever took Mr. Nicolai's technology class (probably no one reading this blog) knows that technology only evolves for one of three reasons. I challenge you to find a single invention since the wheel that does not fit one or all of these rules. The Three Rules of Technological Advancement are:

1) Technology advances to amuse human beings or to make their lives less strenuous, thereby giving them more time to be amused by their inventions.

2) Technology advances to prolong the lifespan of human beings or for the protection of human beings.

3) Technology advances for the purposes of killing other human beings or preventing them from killing you.

Of course, these rules only hold until Skynet becomes self-aware. Then we add a rule about technology advancing for the purposes of de-advancing all other technology. EMP and all that. Speaking of EMP, I just read a book called One Second After by William R. Forstchen that recounts the potential aftermath of a nuclear detonation in the upper atmosphere--really scary stuff, the more so because it's so entirely plausible. It would actually be less damaging in the long run to let a nuclear missile hit any major city in the United States than it would be to intercept and detonate it in the atmosphere. How's that for scary?

The First of Many

Well, you're reading, so that's a start. I'd like to start out with a simple mission statement: here at For Those About To Read, we (I) are (am) committed to bringing you the best blog you have ever read written by someone named Bruce.

It's just thoughts, mainly. I'm not here to tell you about every single day's mundane details in order to create an insightful blog about the inexorable grind of everyday. This isn't that blog. I am, however, open to questions and writing prompts. I, like every American, have an opinion on everything, and I'll share it with just the slightest prompting.

I can't promise you consistent quality, but I can promise a few things:
--I will not say "your" when I mean "you're." Ever.
--I will try not to complain all the time. I have nothing against serious blogging; just give me a topic.
--My grammar and punctuation will be correct at least 90% of the time.
--I will attempt to inform whenever a blog demands I do so. I won't make you do independent research to understand what I'm talking about. Or if I do, I'll at least add the link for you so you don't have to hunt it down.
--I will not subject you to my poetry/fiction/creative non-fiction in this blog. If you want it, ask, and I'll send you some.
--I will always be open to feedback, and really, I need it: it's up to you, readers, to keep me from becoming just another asshole using the internet as a soapbox without having anything to say. Not every idea I have is brilliant, so please feel free to call me on it if you see a quality control issue.

So, let's get to it in earnest. We'll start out light. The first thing I'd like to talk about is my concern, bordering now on panic, that America is beginning to market itself solely to teenage girls. The music (exhibit A: that insipid Kesha--that stupid song where she mumbles like a drunken Miss Date-Rape 2010 contestant IS DEFINITELY the song I, the unstable vet, would have on the iPod when I mount the old clock tower) the movies (anything with animated rodents--I'll bet you can think of at least three right off the top of your head) and even the books (Twilight) of the last several years have become more and more effeminate and annoying. It's entertain of absolutely the lowest common denominator and it's got to stop.

Any rebuttal? Defense of movies staring animated rodents? There is NO defense for Kesha, so please, don't waste your keystrokes. I've got class, so that's all for now.